Riding the Roller Coaster: Living with Bipolar Disorder

Living with bipolar disorder is like being on a rollercoaster, blindfolded. At least for me anyway…

I never know quite when the mood-swings will start. Or when they will stop. And I never know quite which way they will go. Up. Down. Both. Spiraling in crazy loops. And it is exhausting.

Tonight is one of those nights when the roller coaster is soaring up high into the sky, way above the ground, in loops and circles and corkscrews enough to make me want to vomit.

So how do I survive this crazy ride? How do I cling to my sanity when it feels like I am no longer buckled in and the coaster is headed for a giant loop?

I wish I had an answer.  I wish I could tell you I have it all figured out and that living with my bipolar disorder is easy. I don’t. And it’s not.  

But it is getting easier. Because little by little I am learning how to feel better. When I’m depressed I find ways to brighten my day. When I’m manic I find ways to calm and relax myself. It is all about balance now. Finding and creating balance. 
For all my wonderful readers out there… How do you find your balance? How do you handle the roller coaster ride? 

Breathe

Deep breaths they tell you.
Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.
Just let it go…
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat and repeat again.
Oh yes,
because that’s really going to help…
letting me breathe and find clarity,
clarity enough to think straight,
to overthink,
to allow my thoughts to wander
to those deep
and ever so dark recesses
in the very back of my mind,
to allow myself to think about all those things –
things I’ve hidden away,
about all the things
I don’t really want to think about,
things I would rather forget,
things I would rather pretend
didn’t exist at all,
things I wish never happened.
Clearly,
all I need
is to breathe.