Fear Not

God has given me these big crazy dreams. And I found myself questioning, “Is it okay to fear failure? Is it okay to wonder if you’ll live up to those expectations? Is it okay to question how He could possibly fulfill all the wonderful, crazy, huge, seemingly impossible desires He’s placed in your heart? Is it okay to be afraid?”

Well… The first thing that came to my mind was a quote…

Here are just a few examples:

Isaiah 41:10 Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

Luke 12: 22-34 Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not be afraid about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. ²³ For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. ²⁴ Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! ²⁵ Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life^[b]? ²⁶ Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ²⁸ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! ²⁹ And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. ³⁰ For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. ³¹ But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. ³² “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. ³³ Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. ³⁴ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Matthew 10: 26-31 So do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. ²⁷ What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. ²⁸ Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. ²⁹ Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.^{[b] 30} And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. ³¹ So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

So, the short answer…no. It is not okay to live life in fear. Whether that be fear of failure, success, or anything in-between. Time and time again, God’s word tells us not to be afraid. It tells us that He will take care of us and provide for us.

It is so easy for people to just say “don’t be afraid;” but, how do you get over that fear? How do you move passed it?

First, it is important to understand where fear comes from. While discussing the topic with my mother she brought up the point that “Fear and trust go hand in hand. When you don’t trust God and have faith in Him, it is hard to let go of your fear. You have to learn to trust that He has your best interests at heart.”

Which is exactly the point in the conversation where I went “so, how the heck do you do that?”

And I thought about it. And thought about it. And thought about it some more. And everything that I came up with boiled down into three words: faith, friends, & fight.

Faith

Spending time in communication with God and growing your faith is the best way to learn to trust Him. There are plenty of ways you can do this: spend time at church, spend time alone in prayer and worship, read your Bible, and spend time in fellowship with other Christians. Each of these things are equally important in my book. You can’t have a well-rounded faith without each of these components.

Why is faith important?

Because without a foundation in faith, it is easy to let the fear take over. It is easy to not understand WHY you, as Christians, do not HAVE to live your lives in fear. You have been made conquerors in Him. You have been made fierce warriors. And in claiming your place as His sons and daughters you claim victory over death and fear. And in doing so, you can cling to His promise that if you “delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart.”

Friends

I once heard an analogy for friends that described the two types of people in the world. There are the people who “fill your bucket” and the ones who are constantly “putting holes in your bucket.” The former of these two are the friends who encourage you, support you, and push you to be better. These are the ones who will help you go after and achieve your dreams – the kind of friends who will encourage you to “swing for the fence”. The latter, well…they are emotional vampires. They suck away your time and energy with things that drain you. They are discouraging, depressing, and fearful. They are the ones constantly reminding you about the possibility that you will strike out.

Now which of these types of friends do you think are going to push you to live outside your comfort zone, go beyond your fear, and live life to the fullest? And now which one do you want to fill your life with?

Fight

We’ve all heard of the fight or flight response, right? Well the same thing is true of living your dreams. You can fear your dreams and run away from them. Or you can rise to the challenge, you can fight for them, you can make a plan and stick to it, and you can give yourself the opportunity to succeed.

In the end, you can live in fear or live the dream. The choice is yours.

Comissioned Part 2

I was paid to write a poem for a friend’s mom for mothers day. Here’s the result…

Ever since I was just a little girl
You taught me to be strong and to be brave
to be sure of myself and what I believe.
You showed me how to make my cocoon,
then emerge as something beautiful,
spread my newfound wings and leave.
Each day I find myself flying higher
Up into the great big, blue sky
Becoming the butterfly you hoped I would achieve.

Everything I now know about being free
and about being a beautiful butterfly
I have learned it all from you.
Every day my love for you expanded
just like my brilliant wings.
Every day it stronger and stronger grew.
Watching you fly made me understand
made me know that I could spread my wings
and that someday I would fly, too.

Missions Trip

My husband and I are going on a missions trip to Turkey in June. We have begun fundraising and sending out letters of support. I figured I would also share it with my blog followers.

Below you can see the first support letter I sent out…

And here is an update when we found out we would not be going to Istanbul, but rather to Avanos…

We are very excited about this trip and would love if you all would consider supporting us through positive thoughts, prayers, and financial support. If you would like to be a financial partner with us, you can do so here. Then under trip participant select myself (Ashley Robertson) or my husband (Jeremy Robertson).

Well, that’s all I have as far as updates go for the moment. But I will definitely keep y’all in the loop.

❤
Forever and for always
Ashley Grace

Puzzle

Puzzles

I sit cross-legged on the floor,

my fingers gently tracing over the edges of the box 

I find the seam and cautiously pry it open, 

attempting not to spill its contents out across the floor. 

I set the box in my lap,

Then clumsily feel the flimsy cardboard pieces inside.

I feel their outlines,

round knobby protrusions, 

sharp corners,

smooth inward cuts,

all meant to click together seamlessly,

effortlessly,

coming together to create a grand larger picture.

I can’t see the bigger picture.

The blindfold over my eyes prohibits me from seeing anything 

and I hate it. 

My fingers fumble over the pieces,

trying to fit them together,

trying to create that perfect image,

without being able to see how they all fit one another. 

Infuriating. 

Exhausting. 

No matter how hard I try, 

no matter how many pieces I fuss over, 

I can’t seem to find any that fit together correctly. 

My legs have fallen asleep beneath me

so that when I attempt to stand 

the feeling of pins and needles 

becomes more like knives and daggers. 

It burns and I crumple to the ground. 

I let out a wail of frustration. 

Desperate for guidance. 

And in that moment I feel your arms wrapped around me

You guide my hands to two pieces

and help me feel how they fit together. 

I realize I never could have done it on my own. 

You show me another pair. 

And another.

And another. 

Soon, you have connected all the pieces. 

With none left, 

I feel you remove my blindfold.

Light floods my vision

blinding

and brilliant.

And before me lies a picture so wonderful, 

so beautiful,

I cannot help but cry. 

You wipe the tears from my eyes

and remind me everything is okay now.

You help me to my feet 

and we look down at the masterpiece you have created. 

This was your plan all along,

your perfect plan,

your perfect picture,

your perfect puzzle. 

Unfinished 8/24

You’ve given me all these crazy dreams
And they’re just so much bigger than I am.
You’ve told me that I can fly
But right now I barely have the strength to stand.

But how can I let it go
And I trust in something I can’t see?
How can I know you’re there
And that you’ll catch me?

You gave me your word, your promises
But they feel so far, far away
And you called my heart to love you
Though it always seems to stray

Be speechless

I say, “Where are you when I need you?”
He says, “Peace, be still.”
I say, “But how can I be still when my world is falling apart?”
He says, “Know that I am God.”
I say, “Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know…”
He says, “I have a plan.”
I say, “So do I!”
He says, “Trust in me.”
I say, “But how can I trust what I cannot see.”
He says, “Let go of your control.”
I say, “I’m not ready.”
He says, “I am here with you, always.”
I say, “I can’t always feel you.”
He says, “You are my precious child.”
I say, “Then why do you let bad things happen to me?”
He says, “I give you my peace.”
I say, “Even though I know it is there, I struggle to feel it.”
He says, “Love me.”
I say, “I’m trying.”
He says, “I love you
more than you will ever know.
I died for you.
Even if
you were the only one,
I still would have done it.
Because I love you.”
I say nothing.
I am speechless.

Letter to Myself

In the past, you have written letters to so many who have affected you. But never to yourself. You never think about the things you want to say to yourself… whether they be past, present, or future versions of you.

Maybe you should…

Maybe you need to…

This is your exploration. This is your time to focus on you. This is your letter…..

*****

Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in. Now exhale and let everything around you fade away. In that simple, inexplicable, fleeting moment before it all comes rushing back… Who are you?

And I don’t mean your name or lineage or occupation or education or physical description or the numbers on your drivers license or social security card.

Who are you? The real you? Who is the person beneath all of that? What makes you tic? What makes you passionate and inspired and desperate for just one more breath of life? Who are you? Answer me. Who are you?

*****

My first and foremost answer should be “A princess. A daughter of the most high King. A woman who has been ransomed and saved through His grace and righteousness.” But there are so many other things that threaten that idea. So many other things that try to consume my mind and convince me to focus elsewhere. There are so many parts of me at constant conflict with who He has created me to be. And as my relationship with God struggles, my ability to see myself in this light struggles with it.

Facts about myself come to mind… Divorced. Single. Age. Weight. Occupation. No college degree. Family relationships. Bills. And the facts continue to pile on top of one another.

And what do those facts add up to? Am I more than just the sum of these parts? These parts that have created a distorted and irrational view of myself? A view that tells me I am broken by my past; that I have been damaged and made defective. A view that has made me insecure about who I am, what I look like, and who I will become. This view tells me that I am worthless and nothing I do will ever amount to anything. This view tells me that who I am is not and will never be enough; that I will only ever be mediocre at best. It tells me that I will never overcome my past to have the life I have always dreamed of and that nothing I do will ever make a difference.

And then the fear and panic sets in. And I become desperate for control and order. I demand to know exactly what is to become of me and how it will happen. In each moment I the depression worsens and I find myself spinning out of control.

*****

And then I remember to breathe. Just breathe. Close your eyes and breathe. Remind yourself that mantra you hold so dear “Lord, I release it all to you.”

*****

And by doing so, I find my heart and mind refocused on that first answer. I AM a princess. I AM a daughter of the most high King. I AM a woman who has been ransomed and saved through His grace and righteousness.

Nothing and no one can ever take that away from me.

When He looks at me, He sees something beyond any idea I could ever have of the answer to “who are you?” When He looks at me, He sees something beautiful and precious. In His eyes I am a love worth dying for. In His eyes I am pure and holy and clean through His mercy and grace and forgiveness. In me, He is creating something far more powerful than I could possibly imagine. All He asks is that I let go of my own selfish needs and desires for control and a plan and let Him do what He does best.

And that is what I need to consistently remind myself…His love for me is so great, so beautiful and vast and powerful, that it overcomes all of my past and already covers all of my future. I have been bought and paid with the blood of Christ.

*****

Who are you?

*****

I am His.

Song lyrics: Release

Release

In dark of night // when I’ve lost my way // when there’s no more light // and I’m losing faith

That’s when you hear my cry // that’s when you hear me pray // and you tell me child let it go and say

Release // I release it all to you // release // release // no matter what this life puts me through // lord I release it all to you.

In the wilderness // when I come up dry // or if I’m lost at sea // need you to save my life

That’s when you hear my cry // that’s when you hear me pray // and you tell me child let it go and say

Release // I release it all to you // release // release // no matter what this life puts me through // lord I release it all to you.

Release it

Junior year of high school I went to a winter youth retreat with my church that would forever change my life. One night at an optional worship service in a small, intimate chapel in the woods I sat with a few close friends. Singer Steve Garrett told us that when he felt stressed and overwhelmed that he always tried to take a deep breath and just pray “Lord, I release it all to you…”

Ever since then, in moments of extreme, overwhelming stress and emotion I think of those words. I take a deep breath. And as I exhale I silently pray those words “Lord, I release it all to you…”

Today I need to just keep repeating that over and over again. Breathe in. Breathe out. “Lord, I release it all to you…” Breathe in. Breathe out. “Lord, I release it all to you…” Breathe in. Breathe out. “Lord, I release it all to you…” Breathe in. Breathe out. “Lord, I release it all to you…”

Over and over. This will be my mantra. And I will do it until His peace takes me in and overwhelms me. I will continue to trust and release it all to Him even when it is hard. I will continue to give myself over to Him. He is everything and I am sure His plans are far better than any dream or any nightmare I could come up with. He has a beautiful wonderful plan for my life. I might not be able to see it now. But I need to trust Him. And just release it…

Even when it isn’t easy…

For so long I’ve been staring up at the great, big sky screaming like a child amidst a temper tantrum. Constantly throwing out a barrage of questions I demanded be answered and statements I knew to be ridiculous and untrue. “Why are you doing this to me?” “This isn’t fair!” “Don’t you love me?” “How could you let this happen to me?” “This is all your fault!” “I hate you!” “Where are you when I need you?” And more often than not, ending with “Why won’t you answer me?”

All that time I felt as if I was being ignored. It felt as if He couldn’t even hear me. Or if He did, like He didn’t care. And I was miserable. And alone.

So I wandered aimlessly. Searching for something…anything…to guide me and show me where I’m supposed to go. “Trust God” is what I’ve been told. And people just throw it out there like it should come naturally. Well it’s a lot easier to say than it ever is to do it. The more I wanted answers the worse things seemed to get. And when I feel He isn’t answering I throw another fit.

I’ve finally realized, through all the pain and hurt and tears, He has always been there. Every step of the way, every stumble, every misstep along this journey through all these years, He has always been there. And He has always given me an answer. I was just being too loud and angry to hear Him.

He always answered. There were always signs to let me know which choice to make. He gave me an entire book to help me make decisions. And even when that wasn’t what I needed, He always gave me an answer. “Yes.” “No.” “Wait.” Even if that answer wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

Now is the time to enjoy the silence. Find peace in solitude and rest in the quiet. Time to open my eyes and my ears and it is the time to open my mind and my heart to Him and His will and path for me. Time to open myself to His voice and His love. This is the time when I learn to listen and follow. The time when I choose to trust, even when it isn’t easy.