17 Goals for Summer of ’17

Sitting at my desk listening to a webinar (been super into self-improvement webinars and blogs and podcasts and books lately…. basically anything I can learn in order to be a better me).

Right now I am listening to Brandi Botts’ youtube channel. Shes giving a great webinar called “This is me: Feel Better Naked.” She’s currently talking about setting goals and following through on them. So I decided to let this inspire me to set 17 goals for the summer of ’17 (and these are in no particular order…….)

 

1. Achieve monthly weight loss goals:
   June 30th: Goal 1
   July 31st – Goal 2
   August 31st – Goal 3
2. Finish writing one of my novels.
3. Blog at least twice a week.
4. Land an awesome work-from-home job.
5. Write in journals at least three times a week:
   Personal
   Marriage
   Baby
6. Work on 501c3 status for Bethel
7. Train for Disney Princess half-marathon (2/25/18).
8. Complete all 40 Love Dare challenges.
9. Pay off two items on our debt list:
   1. Dental bill
   2. Money owed to in-laws.
10. Complete 4 church goals:
    1. Start working in Students Ministry (started last week!)
    2. Start tithing regularly
    3. Become partners
    4. Baby dedication (August)
11. Try 2 new activities a month with Joshua.
12. Make 1 new friend each month.
13. Complete 1 art/craft project per week (especially the chevron baby blanket!)
14. Go camping.
15. Keep the apartment clean and de-cluttered.
16. Complete 2 books per month on my reading list.
17. Spend 15 minutes a day on self-care.

 

Obviously I have other goals for the summer, too; but, these are the ones that are really important to me right now. These are the ones that I want to focus on.

 

What goals do y’all have for Summer ’17? How can I help push you toward achieving those goals?

 

 

Always ❤
Ashley Grace

Bipolar, Binging, Baby

It has been far too long since I’ve been on here. But I always seem to struggle with knowing what to write about on here for regular day-to-day type stuff. I haven’t quite found my niche as a blogger. So tonight I sat questioning what to write about. I want to be more consistent in blogging regularly, but that’s hard to do when you don’t have a focus. So, I narrowed it down to a few important topics taking prevalence in my life right now: Bipolar, Binging, and a Baby.

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Bipolar

It’s been almost three years since I was diagnosed as being bipolar.

Typically, when people hear the diagnosis “bipolar” they think of type I bipolar, someone whose mood swings are severe and cycle rapidly. Whereas a type II bipolar usually displays more mild mood swings – hypomanic (excitable and hyperactive) phases followed by periods of severe depression. I fall into the later category.

It’s funny how that simple little diagnosis suddenly made years of problems and struggles make sense to me. In high school I was diagnosed with depression. The problem was, they missed the hypomanic episodes that intermittently popped up, and thus missed the true diagnosis. By missing the mild-manic episodes and only seeing the depression, I was prescribed anti-depressant after anti-depressant. They only seemed to make things worse. I felt fuzzy. I felt lethargic. I felt even more depressed than before. I could never seem to figure out why. Finally, a doctor saw the real issue and gave me a combination of Abilify, Brintellix, and Vyvanse (for the ADHD). Within a few days I started feeling better. Within weeks, I felt better than I had in years.

Fast forward a few months…. I got pregnant and went off all my meds for the safety of my baby. Now, I’m breastfeeding and still can’t take the meds I was on before. And, of course, my health insurance won’t cover a trip to a psychiatrist to find a new combination of medications that are breastfeeding friendly.

Each day is a struggle to balance the mood swings and highetened emotions with what I know in my head to be reality. Each day I have to remind myself that its okay to have those feelings, but i need to learn to not be controlled and overruled by them.

Binging

The eating disorder issue goes hand in hand with the Bipolar disorder.

During the hypomanic episodes I tend to (usually unintentionally) starve myself. I get too excited and too busy to slow down and eat. And I am running around like a crazy person and usually going to the gym a lot so I usually end up losing quite a bit of weight during these episodes.

Then when the depression kicks back in I go into full on binge eating disorder mode. I eat anything and everything. It doesn’t matter if I am hungry or not. It doesnt matter if I already feel sick to my stomach from eating too much. I just eat and eat and eat. I have tried diet after diet. I have tried exercise programs and religious groups and everything else under the sun. Nothing ever seems to stick long term. And I gain a ton of weight and feel horrible about myself and it just makes the depression worse. Learning to find healthy outlets for my emotions rather than giving into the binges is a constant struggle that permeates every area of my life.

Baby

On September 26^th, 2016 my whole world changed. I found out I was pregnant. After a kinda rough pregnancy, on June 5^th I had my beautiful, wonderful little boy. He is truly the light of my life. I cannot imagine loving anything more than I love this child.

That being said, being a mom is hard. Like harder than anything you can possibly imagine. Until you’ve done it, you really have no idea. I thought I knew everything. I thought I would be great at it (not that I’m not great, but I still have a lot to learn). I thought it would come so easily and naturally, and sometimes it does…and other times I have to work at it.

Each and every day I have to make choices that will help shape and mold this tiny human into a functioning member of society. Each laugh, smile, giggle, and development makes me feel like I am on cloud 9. Nothing could be as scary and hard and so worth every crazy amazing moment.

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So looking at these three things, they kinda make up the majority of my life. In some way or another, everything I do connects back to them in some way. So maybe picking one of these three isn’t the answer. Maybe its all of them. Maybe the answer is just doing a day to day lifestyle blog and seeing where that leads. Maybe, I just do my thing and figure it out as I go and hopefully y’all will join me for the journey…

Always,

Ashley Grace

Inspire

 

Talking to Colorado (aka Blondie & aka Denver):

I said “Inspire me. Ready set go.”

He replied “You’re inspired.”

I said “Okay. What am I inspired about?”

He replied “Being inspired.”

 

 

And funny enough… it sort of worked. It made me start to think about getting inspired and inspiring others and what I need in order to do that. It actually came from something I heard on tv earlier. The quote was “Happiness is not but a combination of happy moments. You have a happy moment. And then you have another one. And then another one. And that adds up to happiness. One moment at a time.”

 

That led me to thinking about the cliffs overlooking Lake Ontario at Fair Haven. I told Colorado… it is my secret place. it is the most amazing beautiful inspiring place. It is the hidden place on the cliffs at fairhaven. You cannot get there unless you know where you’re going. But up there…it is like time stands still and the beauty just overwhelms your senses… The smell of the lake and the forest, the cool breeze and the warm sun against your skin, the sounds of the birds, the way the sun sets over the lake. It is breathtaking…

 

This place is the manifestation of my soul. It is everything I am and everything I hope to be. This place is where I felt most myself. And the most connected to God and the earth and everything that could be my past and present and future and all of life. In that moment, it was infinite and eternal. In that moment, I give up my fear of not being in control and give up my fear of the unknown. In that place In that moment, when I close my eyes, when I let the wind and the sun wash over me, the bird calls and the lapping of the lake fill my ears, when my senses are overcome by the memory and thoughts of it…nothing else matters and nothing else exists. In that moment, I am free.

Writer’s block

Story of my life lately.