I took a hiatus from writing and blogging for the last year + a few months. The more I think about it, the more I become convinced it was a terrible idea and I never should’ve done it. Taking the hiatus wasn’t exactly intentional though. I was struggling (and still am) with my depression. And then I got pregnant which made me sick, exhausted, and often even more depressed. And I allowed that to become my rationale for falling out of the habit of writing daily like I should’ve been. I let life get in the way. And in the process I lost myself. I didn’t notice just how bad it had been until I went home (Pennsylvania) for a wedding this past weekend. I’ll post some more writing on that later though. The point is…. I’m back now. And I’m ready to find myself.
inspired
Inspire
Talking to Colorado (aka Blondie & aka Denver):
I said “Inspire me. Ready set go.”
He replied “You’re inspired.”
I said “Okay. What am I inspired about?”
He replied “Being inspired.”
And funny enough… it sort of worked. It made me start to think about getting inspired and inspiring others and what I need in order to do that. It actually came from something I heard on tv earlier. The quote was “Happiness is not but a combination of happy moments. You have a happy moment. And then you have another one. And then another one. And that adds up to happiness. One moment at a time.”
That led me to thinking about the cliffs overlooking Lake Ontario at Fair Haven. I told Colorado… it is my secret place. it is the most amazing beautiful inspiring place. It is the hidden place on the cliffs at fairhaven. You cannot get there unless you know where you’re going. But up there…it is like time stands still and the beauty just overwhelms your senses… The smell of the lake and the forest, the cool breeze and the warm sun against your skin, the sounds of the birds, the way the sun sets over the lake. It is breathtaking…
This place is the manifestation of my soul. It is everything I am and everything I hope to be. This place is where I felt most myself. And the most connected to God and the earth and everything that could be my past and present and future and all of life. In that moment, it was infinite and eternal. In that moment, I give up my fear of not being in control and give up my fear of the unknown. In that place In that moment, when I close my eyes, when I let the wind and the sun wash over me, the bird calls and the lapping of the lake fill my ears, when my senses are overcome by the memory and thoughts of it…nothing else matters and nothing else exists. In that moment, I am free.
A Heart of Grace 